The idea of soul-searching has been on my mind lately. Along with passions, finding your purpose, and vulnerability.
As I shared last week, I’m giving myself permission to expand. And as you can see, this week’s Soul Workout is not in the usual video form. I sat down to write out some ideas and ended up writing A LOT. It felt so good to write. You only ever limit yourself and I certainly don’t intend on doing that, so writing this week it is!
For years I’ve done “soul-searching” and to be honest, I really don’t like the word searching. Devotion on the other hand, well that word fires me up. Words. Your words. They’re very powerful. So are your desires.
I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m constantly searching for something “out-there”. Searching for my purpose, passions, for my ideal business plan, a relationship, money, joy, the worlds best sourdough bread, a job, my next adventure….what I’m going to do with my life!
What if the constant seeking is really a reflection of your lack of joy now? Ouch.
I thought about that question above and knew it to be true. We live now, hoping for a future that’s different. This whole wait-to-live thing is a bit of an epidemic these days. But instead of feeling guilty (because that certainly isn’t helpful), I started to become curious.
Curiosity led to me the realization that maybe what I’m really searching for is for someone to tell me that it’s okay to stop searching. Maybe in those moments of longing for something out-there, I’m really just searching for the day when I no longer feel like I have to prove myself to the world. Liberation.
I know for absolute certain that I have a purpose. I’ve known it ever since I was a little kid. As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had this desire to create and share, whether that’s a meal, a yoga class or a Soul Workout video.
My purpose is to heal my own mind, and to be a light in this world. That is why I am here and I intend on being used by something greater than myself. In our society, I think the tendency is to try and search for the way our purpose is going to manifest and then call that our purpose.
For example, my purpose might manifest through this blog, a yoga class I teach, writing Miracles and Munchin’, giving someone a hug, riding my mountain bike or dancing in the street. But my purpose is not to be a yoga teacher or a blogger. Follow me?
When you start to associate your purpose with the way it manifests in the world, you also start to label yourself. For a long time, my label of choice was “spiritual teacher”. I’m not trying to say that labeling yourself is a bad thing, because labels do help you describe what you do now, but don’t allow your labels to define the direction you take your life in the future.
I used to want to know exactly what I was going to do with my life right now. This second. I wanted to know how my purpose was going to manifest and just go forward with it already. “I am a spiritual teacher. I am a yoga teacher. Okay that’s what I am going to do the rest of my life. Lets do it.”
Sure, that mentality feels secure, but it leaves no room for expansion. As you probably know, when we step away from secure in the traditional sense, there’s going to be vulnerability. Loads of it.
I’m learning to associate vulnerability with excitement, not fear. And that makes a huge difference in my willingness to plunge into the unknown.
I’m trying trust more and plan less. For me, true security is being connected to my Inner Guide. I’d simply much prefer to go through life feeling guided and having the inner knowing that I will always be okay.
You don’t need to search out your purpose. Your dreams are going to happen. Exhale. You’re already a light in this world. You’re here. You’re doing it. When I say that you don’t need to search, I’m not implying that you should just sit back and do nothing.
The end of searching is about accepting that you’re not going to see the whole path right now, feeling the vulnerability (aka excitement) associated with that, all while having faith that you will be guided to everything you need. It’s about giving yourself permission to continually expand and try out new labels.
Most of all, it’s about remembering that you are enough right now. There is nothing to prove. I need a constant reminder of that one myself.
Open. Flow. Devote… This is the end of searching as a way of life. Who’s with me?